Postcards from the Edge [of the Pumpkin Patch]
For those not in the know, I am married to a man who is obsessed with growing The Great Pumpkin. When not traveling, our summer has been consumed by this orange monstrosity that currently weighs almost 400 lbs and gains 20-30 pounds a day.Jamie documents its growth on his goofy pumpkin blog,which sort of gets my juices flowing in a weird sort of way.
Especially when he talks about Chlorothalonil fungicide.
But make no mistake, this obsession comes at a price and the cost is a husband who obsessively charts its growth. Who is always online looking for fertilizers. And a man who lives at his parent's house every evening to provide Dillboy (yes, he named it) with TLC.
Just why is he growing Dillboy at his parent's house? Because we do not have room to house the orange monstrosity's vines that measure about 24 X 30 feet.
Instead, he is schooling Hadley on the Fine Art of Pumpkin Growing and her "little" 100+ pounder is taking over a corner of our yard.
Four weeks ago, I staged an intervention. I was sitting on his parent's deck when he came home from work, breezed past me without a glance and proceeded to tend to his pumpkin for the next 20 minutes. After he finally acknowledged my existence, I blubbered, "You didn't even say 'hi' to me first!"
Note to self: do not stage an intervention when you are PMSing and hormonal. The pumpkin will come out looking better than you.
Jamie has opted not to enter it in our town's harvest festival, leaving all the glory to Hadley who he hopes will win the children's division. Rather, he will be at Colorado's largest competition against The Big Boys--those men whose wives have been suffering from the obsession for years.
I knew it had truly gotten out of hand a month ago. When I was in Canada with the children, I left pictures of us with little notes about how much we loved and missed him all around the house.
A week later, I went to San Francisco for BlogHer. And what was on our headboard upon my return?
'Nuff said.
posted by Amber @6:25 AM
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33 Comments:
Uhhh, kind of a creepy homecoming picture on the bed - though funny!!!!! Glad for you that thing has to stay close to the ground while it's growing!!
Lol!!! Poor Amber, coming in second to a vegetable.
Yes, when the pumpkin gets greeted before the wife, an intervention might be necessary.
Unless, of course, he gets a large cash prize for winning. In that case, encourage him and then pocket his winnings as payment for his behavior.
Seriously insane.
But you know, it could have been a vintage hotrod, or model trains (god forbid), or worse - Jeeps! (That would be my Homer)
I am so not telling my husband about pumpkin growing. He doesn't need anymore obsessions. He started with only one big one when we got married which was hunting. That one alone is pretty bad but at least there are some limits to when he can go.
His newest is golf. That one pretty much takes up all of the non-hunting weekends. Oh and I forgot about trail running. I got him into distance running and it's become an obsession I can only blame myself for.
No pumpkins for him! I won't allow it.
Did he take this much interest in the babies' growth charts their first year??
KEEP BELIEVING
That is so funny! I almost commented on his blog, but then I just couldn't. It's cute. It's a little nerdy. (but then I love nerdy! so I say that as a compliment)
I have tried to grow pumpkins, but never succeeded. :-(
Those are some big pumpkins! The pumpkin picture is too funny and you have to admit pretty clever! :-)
We are hoping to try growing pumpkins next year but I don't anticipate any obsessions developing. We will just be happy if we can actually get one to grow at all.
Oh you guys crack me up! I love the humor and dry witt in your family!
Hmmm...that pumpkin would make some really good recipes...
Wow - I must say that is pretty impressive. Don't tell Jamie that though as it will fuel the obsession even more.
Sorry Amber, I must admit that I am amazed that one can grow a pumpkin that big ....
If it makes you feel any better, I gave you a small, yet worthy virtual award ...... Hopefully that will soften the blow of neglect from Jamie. I am here for you if you get tired of it. You could always come on an adventure to redneckville with the kids and get a whole new appreciation for life. :)
Well at least your husband has a big PUMPKIN. bwwaaahhhhaaa hhaa. I mean, he could have a very small one. (smile)
Seriously, that is ONE BIG PUMPKIN. I didn't know he kept it or is growing it at his parent's house. I guess they live close? That is cool that Hadley is growing one. Good luck to her. And to you in dealing with the pumpkin obsessed.
You guys crack me up - you have a great relationship.
I laughed out loud at this post!! I think your husband and my husband would get along really well!!!
So funny! The pumpkin missed you, too. :)
That is an amazingly huge pumpkin! He has done a great job.
That's pretty amazing. The size of the pumpkin, and the fact that he is that obsessed. I can't even keep a houseplant alive, so I'm impressed.
That is one huge pumpkin. Imagine carving that out for Halloween. Do you have pumpkin pie for a long time afterwards?
I hope it wins a prize, with all that loving attention it has received.
I hope after the contest your hubby rewards you for your patience :) And hopefully removes the pumpkin porn from the headboard ;) hahahaha
Oh dear. Are there support groups for this sort of thing?
That last picture is a CLASSIC!!!
This is hilarious. I hope he wins, so that this is all worth it -- though I sense some doom in your description of the men who have been doing this for far longer (?!) and who may therefore have an edge. Hadley is adorable with her giant pumpkin. PLEASE be sure to keep us updated once all the contests happen.
look at it this way... with each passing day, you're getting closer to when it will be cut off the vine and entered into competition. in the mean time... our sympathies are with you.
Oh boy, here we go again. I can't believe I've been around here a year. I know this because I can count the Jaime pumpkins I have seen. This is number 2 for me. At least he's going to give a little of the glory to his daughter.
I'm surprised your man hasn't lugged Dillboy into bed with you. There's nothing quite like a threesome straight out of a Veggie Tales porn movie. :)
Maybe I'm glad we don't have a garden spot... I think our entire back yard is 24x30! :)
Update from the pumpkin patch. The pumpkin is 468 pounds at this time. It put on 20 pounds yesterday and continues to grow nicely. If it keeps on pace for the next 18 days it should be close to 800 pounds by the time of the weigh-off.
wow!! think of al the pie you can make with that baby
You could try gaining 20 to 30 pounds a day to see if it catches his attention...er, nevermind...scratch that...I'm not helping much, am I?
Oh. Mygosh. I had no idea that there with this crazy secret underground society of pumpkin growers. Wow.
Best line, though? "Note to self: do not stage an intervention when you are PMSing and hormonal. The pumpkin will come out looking better than you." HAHAHA. That's sound advice for ANY woman... whose husband is obsessed with pumpkins...
Olove your husband. That picture on your headboard made me spit out my tea.
How cool is he??
So far I think there is only moderate psychosis involved here.
In order to fully complete my diagnosis, I need to know....
Does Jamie wait in the garden on Halloween for "The Great Pumpkin" as Linus did for all those wasted years?
Please notify me and I will forward you the great pumpkin support group meetings times.
XO
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If you're serious about an intervention then you will need some good photos of pumpkin pies along with calculations of how many can be produced by a 400 pound pumpkin processed by an ignored wife.
That is a crazy big pumpkin.
Good luck to Hadley!
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